I rocked my daughter to sleep tonight. She sat cradled in my arms, and we sang together.
“Rock a bye baby, on the tree top …”
Our rocking chair creeks and we sway forward and back.
“Rock” – creek – “a bye” – creek – “baby” creek…
And the right arm is broken.
“On” – wobble – “the” – wobble “tree” – wobble…
The chair was a gift, handed down from when my parents moved from my childhood home. I remember the chair sitting in a corner of my parent’s bedroom. The slider door on the left, and the chair on the right.
I remember the last time I was rocked. My legs ached from growing pains. My mom held me and rocked me until the pain subsided.
And I remember the chair in pieces. The arm on the floor. A crack where it was once afixed to the seat. He broke it the day of the big fight. And after that, things were different.
When we came home from going away the chair was glued back together. But the image of it in pieces is fused in my mind.
I thought about not taking the chair. But the idealist took over. “A loving home can make it right!” I thought enough rocks could ease the painful memories.
It hasn’t though. I rock, and it creaks. And instead of taking me back to a place of peace, I go back to hiding under the pool table. And instead of seeing my daughter’s face, I see shards of wood strewn across the floor.
My husband tried to fix the arm. But the glue wouldn’t stick. I lean forward, and the wobble gets worse. I know one day I’ll lean hard enough and it will totally break.
I hate that chair. I stare at it, and see that no amount of love can fix it.
Wayfair had a sale. Rocking chairs – 50% off. I put it on the credit card. It will be here in a few days.
Maybe I’ll regret it. But no one else asked for the chair. No one has else tried to keep it. We tried to glue it all together and it all fell apart.
When the new one comes, I’m not sure what we’ll do. A fire? A baseball bat? A slow dismantle and tears? A simple move to the basement? I just don’t know.
All I know is that I can’t look at it anymore. And in a few days, I won’t have to.