I’m going back to work Thursday, July 5th after twelve weeks of maternity leave. Over the last few days I’ve felt every stage of grief. On Monday and Tuesday I called my mom sobbing with mom guilt. I thought about asking my boss whether I could take off Fridays, or work from home on Thursdays. Then, yesterday, I was so burned out I felt like I could start working at 8am and feel 100% okay.
This leave is coming to an end. It’s been wonderful, and stressful, and full of life. There has been poop, pee, spit-up, giggles and glorious snuggles. As I move back into working I thought it would be cathartic to write about what I will miss and what is coming next. When I volunteered at hospice (yes – tragic) they taught us to always say good-bye when we left a room. Although no one is dying, we are moving from the “mommy is always with me” stage to the “daycare time!” stage.
This blog is dedicated to saying good-bye to old things, and saying hello to new things.
Good-bye 24/7 Carly time. Without a doubt, I will miss our snuggles, naps, and cute poops. Carly – I love you so!
Hello 30 minutes of eating lunch!
Good-bye 8+ times a day breastfeeding. Although, I will miss Carly’s constant warmth and sweet suckling sounds. However – we still have mornings and nights.
Hello to (some) body freedom!
Good-bye raw fingers from Desitin applications, wiping, and “I seriously JUST changed you.”
Hello to missing changing diapers three times in a row. Carly’s chunky baby butt is just the cutest!
Good-bye to morning stroller walks. I’ll miss these the most. Watching Carly’s sweet face as we walk around our neighborhood is the best.
Hello adult conversation! My how I’ve missed you. Vocab, words, thoughts, oh my!
Good-bye seeing everything new Carly does. Another person will see it first, and that breaks my heart.
Hello mental challenges… my my how I love thee. Coordination. Formuli. Brain gymnastics – my sweet love.
Good-bye knowing Carly is unlikely to get sick at home with mommy.
Hello colds, ear infections, and a slew of weird S#$& from daycare. But also hello to an immune system that is learning to survive. This will suck, but we can do this. Kids get sick. A lot.
Good-bye safety of mommy’s perfect schedule (Ug). We worked so hard on this. Carly is sleeping well and growing so big. Pray we adapt well.
Hello socialization. Carly is going to get to meet so many people! She’s in a safe place with people who dedicate their lives to loving children. Hello to meeting more little friends we can hang out with. We’re going to learn so much from each other.
Good-bye taking a gazillion photos a day. Now it’ll just be a few hundred.
Hello to getting photos every day from daycare. I hope they take good pictures!
Good-bye mommy guilt over…. everything. Hello new mommy guilt over…. who knows? If the FDA makes a drug for mommy guilt I’ll line up to buy it.
Hello to a new trust. Trust in daycare. Trust in daddy. Trust in myself. Trust in God that we’ll all be ok. It’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.
Good-bye to whatever I’ve forgotten to mention.
Hello to those things I can never see or imagine.
Good-bye maternity leave. Hello career and daycare. I am so thankful for this leave, what I’ve learned, and my time with Carly. May we greet what is next with grace, endurance, love, and humor.